Be young and shut up

A blog about student activism.

Sexual violence is all the worse for its banality and normalcy

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Writing from the perspective of a young, queer, cisgendered white woman. And also an individual whose experiences aren’t as bad as many people’s – shockingly.

*Massive trigger warning* – contains descriptions of incidents of sexual violence

I’ve been sexually harassed and assaulted more times than I can count. It goes into the hundreds.

It started when I was eleven. I talk more about my experiences here.

It comes in the form of street harassment (from ‘nice jugs can I have a go’ to ‘I’m gonna have to fuck you whether or not you want it’); having my boobs and arse grabbed;  being forced or heavily pressured to give oral sex (once I was choked by someone forcing me to ‘deep throat’ despite my protestations); being raped in a really banal fashion (I said ‘I don’t really want this’ but didn’t protest further and it was over pretty quickly); being intruded upon vaginally because I had said no and they were ‘trying to turn me on’.

More often than not I didn’t resist, even though it would have been my right to, because I didn’t want to make the situation worse in my own mind or piss them off. In some cases I stayed in touch with them for a while. The ones who I deemed hadn’t done anything ‘that bad’ (in retrospect I think they had) I even might have had sex with consensually afterwards (not in touch with any of them anymore though).

Usually these kind of actions are mentally and vocally excused by the person doing it to me because I’d previously consented to sex, or because I’m a ‘slut’, or whatever. They think that it’s cool because, in general, I like sex, so it must not be that big a deal to me.

I saw some disturbing comments on Twitter yesterday saying that it was ‘impossible to understand’ why rapists rape and the fact they ‘don’t understand’ that other people should have autonomy over their own bodies. There was a desperate attempt to explain away their behaviour by mis-using medical terms like ‘autist’ (that was fucking offensive in particular), psychopath, sociopath.

This is bollocks. People who perpetrate sexual violence are usually normal, sometimes even otherwise nice, people. They function in society. They have interests, families, partners, jobs, dispense advice and can be caring and romantic. They can be good friends.

Trying to label them ‘abnormal’ weirdos or whatever might make certain people feel better, but it doesn’t actually deal with the problem, which is the normalcy and banality of the daily intrusion of the bodies of women and trans* people (women, men and non-binary) in particular. The daily intrusion on victims of all genders.

When I think about it I find it hard to believe that these things happened to me, but they did, and for some people the situation is even worse. Our abusers are at large, walking around in free society, able to repeat the abuse on others, because of the lack of justice.

So if you think the Julian Assange stuff isn’t ‘about rape’ and the Swedish authorities should go to him, fuck you: Why should any abuser get special treatment?! If you think opposing rape apologism makes me a ‘US imperialist’ or ‘on the side of capitalists and liberals’, fuck you. When I was choking on someone’s cock it wasn’t about US imperialism, it wasn’t about capitalism or liberalism, it was about rape culture, misogyny, the disrespect of women’s bodily autonomy, slut-shaming, and patriarchy. (Although sexual violence is often used in colonialisation, imperialism and war, sickeningly.)

I wasn’t thinking about all the noble things George Galloway’s done, I was crying and praying it would end. And, after it did, I got up and made my abuser a cup of tea. And went back to my daily life without a peep to anyone about it.

And then it continues. When I was in London recently a man following me wouldn’t take no for an answer. He wouldn’t accept a phone number without ringing mine to check it worked. Since I didn’t want to be raped in a side street I gave him my real number he rang it and was satisfied. I immediately walked away, ending up getting lost just so I could get shot of him. I got to my mate’s house and there were five missed calls and three messages from this creepy fuck. These awful people make you feel rude for not wanting to fuck them.

Those kind of occurrences happen to me all the time and I refuse to stop walking around on my own just because I’m a woman.

So if you think it’s impossible that someone who’s done useful things could be a rapist, fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

Fuck you, Noam Chomsky. Fuck you, George Galloway. Fuck you, Jemima Khan. Fuck you, Naomi Wolf. Fuck you, endless other people jumping to Assface’s defence. Fuck you fuck you fuck you.

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Written by CakeCakeCakeCakeCake

August 24, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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